


Holiday Memory

by roseforthethorns



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: 00Q Secret Santa 2016, Christmas, Established Relationship, First Christmas Together, M/M, Memories, decorations, sleepy I love you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-02
Updated: 2016-12-02
Packaged: 2018-09-03 19:41:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8727703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roseforthethorns/pseuds/roseforthethorns
Summary: It's James and Q's first real Christmas together since they began dating, and the agent is slowly remembering something that he'd forgotten a long time ago, buried under loss and pain.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [themuller](https://archiveofourown.org/users/themuller/gifts).



> For themuller for the 00QSecret Santa 2016. Happy Christmas!!

The last time James had a happy Christmas, he was ten years old.

  
It was just a few months before his parents died, but he didn't know that at the time. To him, it was the exciting time of heavier winter snows, decorating the tree with Mother, baking cookies with Mrs. Kincade, hunting with Father, and spending Christmas morning in front of a roaring fire as he opened his presents. He'd gotten a brand new rifle from his father, a set of books about Rome from his mother. He had just begun to enjoy stories about history and battles over the Scottish folk tales Kincade would sometimes tell him. Skyfall smelled like cinnamon and pine, peppermint and roasted meats. It was one of the few perfect moments in James's childhood.

  
That memory, safe and happy and warm and home, has all but vanished by the time he spends his first Christmas with Q.

 

***

  
A piece of it slides back into place when they decorate the tree. Q’s not done this in over a decade, not since his parents and sister died in a plane crash and left him without a family. He trails behind James as they string the lights on their fresh Christmas tree. The flat seems terribly silent and still, so James stops stringing lights long enough to put on some music. He sets Q’s iPod to shuffle his Christmas music, and soon the room is filled with soft piano renditions of the popular hits.

  
“That's better.” James resumes wrapping the tree with lights while Q helps, and he can suddenly remember trailing behind his father, helping test the lights. It's a flash of memory that leaves him momentarily stunned.

  
“James?”

  
He turns to see Q staring at him worriedly. “What is it?”

  
“You've been standing there for two minutes without moving. I was concerned.”

  
“I thought I… it's nothing. Let's get this part done so we can fetch those boxes of ornaments.”

  
Q frowns a little but doesn't push. James has been like this before, mostly after M died. He had retreated into his memories when he'd thought Q wasn't looking; it's the standing still and staring at nothing that gives him away. Q knows better than to delve too deep into James's past when the man doesn't freely offer much about himself in the first place. The last time he'd tried, they'd fought, so he just doesn't mention it anymore.

  
***

  
It happens again with the ornaments. James is hanging a particularly bright red and gold bauble on the tree and can see _his Mother handing him ornaments for the lower branches while she stands on a short stepladder to hang the more valuable ones. She's smiling at him, and he's laughing and then_ -

  
“James.”

  
“Sorry. I… it's strange…”

  
“What is? You keep disappearing on me. I can see it in your eyes, and you don't move when it happens.”

  
But James just shakes his head. He's too afraid of what these flashes could be. “It's probably that new regimen you have all the double-ohs on for additional training.”

  
Q isn't convinced, but he again lets it slide.

  
***

  
Over the course of the rest of the day, James remembers baking cookies, hunting his first deer, and falling asleep in front of a fire at Skyfall. All come to him as momentary bursts of insight or familiarity. He's stolen icing like this before or used a similar cookie cutter. He's helped prepare the Christmas roast. He's curled up before a roaring fire and dozed until someone came to help him to bed.

  
Q grows more and more concerned about his lover until he can't keep quiet any longer. “James, what do you keep remembering?”

  
They're curled up on the sofa after dinner. The lights in the flat are dim so the tree can shine. Their feet are tangled under a blanket while James reads and Q taps away at his tablet. It feels cozy and safe, the kind of Christmas James has secretly wanted since losing his family and never realized until he had begun to remember. It doesn't surprise Bond that Q has figured out he's reliving memories; his lover has always been very shrewd where James is concerned.

  
“It's… I think I remember the last Christmas with my parents.”

  
Q sits up a little straighter and focuses on James with the full force of his hazel eyes. “You do?”

  
“It happened this morning with the tree, and pieces have been coming back all day. Cooking, ornaments, even the fire.” He stares at Q, brow furrowed. “I never think about that time. I didn't think I had any bits of it left. That I had forgotten them all."

  
Q reaches out and takes James's hand, squeezing gently. “Your past is a part of you. And if you're remembering, that must mean you feel safe.” He glances up slowly at James. “Do you? Feel safe… with me?”

  
He's not actively thought about it until that moment, but the second Q asks the question, he knows the answer. “Yes. I do.” His lover looks relieved. James squeezes his hand and smiles. “Were you worried I didn't?”

  
“We’ve never really talked about it. And I don't tend to press in case I ruin whatever it is that we have.”

  
“It won't. I don't think it will. I like your place… wouldn't mind it being our place.”

  
“Do… are you…”

  
“Would you like to live together, Q?”

  
The younger man launches himself into James's arms, kissing him as senseless as he can. “Yes. Yes, James, yes I do!”

  
Bond laughs and hugs Q close until his lover falls asleep in his arms. James kisses Q gently on the forehead and smiles. “I love you,” he murmurs against the younger man’s temple.

  
It's the first time he's ever said it to the boffin.

  
And it won't be the last.

* * *

 


End file.
